Hi everyone,

I'm newly separated from my husband. Last Sunday he lost his temper and stepped way over the line. He choked me and pushed my keys into my mouth. He was arrested only because he admitted to throwing a cookie at me but hit my 3 year old son instead. Despite one ER visit and an MRI for my 3 year old, (He has many medical issues), finding out my Mom probably has cancer, working 10 hour days, and then this all in one week. I feel I did fairly well this week. I love my husband and don't want a divorce but do want him to seek therapy before returning home again. Only once did I look for him. Not bad out of seven days! I'm not angry with him but feel sorry that he lives such a life full of anger and pain. I found daycare for my son, usually my husband watched him while I was at work. He works nights. I feel like I'm moving forward but am also scared I will become depressed as is the case so often. What I need from you is prayer, strength, and a pat on the back now and then telling me I'm doing the right thing. Because of the abuse in my head I know I should not let him back but my heart misses him so much. Help me be strong! Thank you!

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46 yrs, RN, 1st mar. 1982-div. 2002, 2nd mar. 2004-? Currently separated. Five kids, two step. G-24, G-23, B-22, B-21, B-18, B-15, B-4. Our 4 yr. old has CP, apraxia, PDD-NOS, dev. delay, sensory issues, chronic constipation, etc., etc. Near Sac. CA.

I moved your post to the General Recovery section where it may receive some more traffic.

You are certainly doing the right thing by getting OUT. If he tried to choke you this time....just think what he will do the next time. Statistically, abusers do not change and do not get better...they only become more violent and abusive. So, I'll repeat...you're doing the RIGHT THING by getting out.

One of the worst things you could do right now is to listen to his "oh, I'm sorry, it will neeeever happen again...I love you" without some sort of PROOF that he has changed. By proof...I'm talking months, maybe years of counseling, soul-searching, anger management, Jesus-finding, etc. Be very careful and you may want to seek some assistance or advice from your local women's shelter. They would have all of the current statistics and local resources to help you.

It sounds like you have a handle on this....but you'll have to learn to trust your head, not your heart. It is difficult to separate the emotion from the reality during this time. I remember it well...I had to turn off all emotions.

(((hugs))) to you!!! and prayers, too!

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Lisa D
age 40; Married 1991, Divorced 2000; moved from TX to OH/WV; Remarried 2003; 2 children, ages 12 & 13; 2 stepsons, ages 20 & 25; 2 weenie dogs, 3 hamsters, 1 betta fish

Carol,
You are definitely doing the right thing, especially where a child (children)'s safety is concerned.

In the final blow-up my X threw a boxed fan at grandson's head which dau#1 (grandson's mom) intercepted with her face. Remembering that helps me not want him back. The decision to divorce was entirely his.

Keep the children safe. And accept a great big (but gentle) pat on the back from me.

ElizaBeth

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married 30 years; daughter #1 + grandson;
daughter #2 + granddaughter; 1 big dog; various cats

I'd rather be at the beach

Whenever I was tempted to fall into his "I'm sorry routine", I would make a list of all of the horrible, crappy things he had put me through. Remembering the bad helped me to stay focused on getting out.
((hugs))

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Lisa D
age 40; Married 1991, Divorced 2000; moved from TX to OH/WV; Remarried 2003; 2 children, ages 12 & 13; 2 stepsons, ages 20 & 25; 2 weenie dogs, 3 hamsters, 1 betta fish