I have a cousin who lives near me that is a single mom - she has never been married but does have a 9 year old daughter. The main difference that I can see is that she doesn't have the baggage - you know the baggage I'm talking about!

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Married in 1987 - Divorced in 1999
3 children - Oliver(11) Lydia(12) Spencer(14)*
*Has cerebral palsy
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart

Hi Rhonda,
I think the other thing is the ' role ' change that takes place. My identity was wrapped up in being a ' wife ' as well as a mum. Another person made promises to me and I took on his name. If you have never been married you do not have that identity to adjust to. Not wearing a wedding ring and not being called ' mrs ' is hard to deal with at times. I agree about the baggage, although being single does not mean you don't have that, you still have the father of the children/child to deal with.
Rita

I don't like calling myself a single mom because I want people to know that I was married and had my 3 children with the man I thought I would spend my life with. Maybe it's a pride issue with me. I'm not judging any single mom who had her child(ren) outside of marriage, but I feel strongly that people know my children were born into a married household - perhaps because my kids are bi-racial and I realize there's a stigma attached to that is the reason I feel it is so important for folks to know I was married to their dad.

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Married in 1987 - Divorced in 1999
3 children - Oliver(11) Lydia(12) Spencer(14)*
*Has cerebral palsy
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart

I think it goes further than single moms vs divorced moms. I think it applies to single vs divorced, whether we're moms or not.

I'm not a mom, but I'm divorced. I will never consider myself single, because to me the stigma of "single" means "looking" and I'm NOT looking! But so many times, when you say you're divorced, people automatically assume you're "single and looking." I set 'em straight right quick!

Actually, I wish there were another term altogether for people who are satisfied with being alone because although I don't like to think of myself as single, I really don't like to refer to myself as divorced, either. Not only do people assume it means "looking," but it also has a stigma of failure about it. So when you say you're divorced, people think two things: she's "looking," but any new relationship she finds won't last either. (throwing hands in the air in exasperation at this point!) All that misunderstood mumbo jumbo just from one word: divorce. Geez.

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Cheryl

Married twice, divorced twice, same guy.
No kids; two dogs who THINK they're kids.
Getting close to reaching my "new life" but not quite there yet.

It could be worse. Think of 100 years ago and the horrible stigma of being a spinster. Of course back then we would none of us be divorced. Yes, there should be a term for satisfied with myself and not in the market for a knight in shiny (fsmily joke) armor to come and rescue me.

ElizaBeth

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married 30 years; daughter #1 + grandson;
daughter #2 + granddaughter; 1 big dog; various cats

I'd rather be at the beach

I like the term "displaced homemaker" for myself. I used to use single Mom but I don't feel it fits. Most think of never-married single Mothers and I agree there are major differences. It's true they usually don't have issues with loss of identify that divorced Moms face. Our lives were wrapped up in being wife or wife and mother. Even if we were employed a bit part of ourselves and our identify were wrapped up in being a spouse and mom. I worked part-time various jobs while married, bank teller, housekeeper, daycare provider. but I don't think those jobs definied my self-identify as much as wife and mother. it's a huge loss after long marriages to have redefine oneself as "single Mom" who most look at as never married. That is why I like displace homemaker or divorced mom - because it more adequately conveys my situation. As far as being satisfied being alone. You know I am really ok with that after all these years. I used to miss having someone to go with or someone to help with household repairs but over the years I guess I have just become accoustomed to asking my father for help or hiring contractors. It would be a true luxury to have another adult around to help me out. I cannot even truly remember what that is like. Like anything - do something long enough you not only get used it but it becomes the norm. I probably would have an big adjustment period if I were to remarry. I guess my biggest complaint is not the being on my own - but rather just the financial instability. I think single Moms usually have jobs already. Where displaced homemakers like myself unfortunately were depending on a husband's income before the divorce and were thrust unprepared into the workforce. that is the biggest difference I see. We are scrambling to find job training and feasible way to support ourselves and our children. All I can say what doesn't kill ya will make you stronger. It sure has me.

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Elaine

I think the term I'm probably going to end up using is "happily independent." It's got the ring of exactly what I'm looking for... I'm happy being without a mate.

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Cheryl

Married twice, divorced twice, same guy.
No kids; two dogs who THINK they're kids.
Getting close to reaching my "new life" but not quite there yet.

Good for your Cheryl - you are woman who is comfortable in her own skin and with who she is and where she is in life. Very refreshing. Only hope to be where you are myself. Getting there - slowly... each day is a new opportunity reinvent yourself...

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Elaine