Hi ladies. When I logged on it said I haven't been on the site in a month. Sigh... I've been fighting depression again and have avoided the site because I was afraid all the "divorce talk" would get me even further depressed. So I avoided the one group of people who could have probably helped me more than any other. How dumb can we humans get, anyway?!? Geez.

So I came back, even though I didn't feel ready to face the topics, just so I could meet with my friends again. I hope my post makes sense because I feel pretty inadequate right now.

I've noticed something, though. As my topic suggests, I've noticed that there's a difference between the "depression" associated with the normal grieving process and with clinical depression, which is what I'm fighting against right now. They are not the same thing. I think it's important for someone to make this distinction because the second thing I've noticed is that it seems like a lot of us have signs of clinical depression as well as the normal depression associated with grieving. Knowing which "depression" you're up against at any given time helps you know how to deal with it... somewhat. (It's tough to deal with any kind of depression, but knowledge is half the battle they say.)

Depression as a part of the normal grieving process is all about the emotion of loss. It makes sense. It's justified, if you will. There's an obvious emotional loss which is causing the feelings of depression and sadness and this type of depression is all about emotional reaction.

But we are more than just emotional creatures. Besides hearts, we have minds, bodies, spirits and souls. The depression associated with grieving is all about the emotional loss we feel in our hearts, but clinical depression goes much deeper than that. It affects not only our hearts, but also our spirits. That's what makes it so much different. For when the spirit is depressed, the battle is all the more difficult to fight. The spirit is where the "will to fight" is located. It's the origin of our attitudes, especially attitudes about ourselves.

Clinical depression doesn't usually have any logical reasons. No justification for the depression, no good reason to feel bad. But we feel bad anyway. Just can't seem to shake it. Sad, maybe even teary-eyed for no reason, down-in-the-dumps, no happiness. Other people's happiness seems to mock us and make us feel even worse. Like a huge wet blanket on our soul. This kind of depression is the kind that affects our spirits, and our will to fight it. And it seems like a lot of divorced women fall into clinical depression, usually from all the years of emotional abuse we've been through. It not only robs us of happiness (like normal depression), but it also robs us of self-worth. Which makes the depression even deeper. And it becomes a viscious circle, getting deeper instead of better.

Unfortunately, I don't have any wonderful how-to's or great wisdom to impart on how to combat it. Since clinical depression hits us in our spirit (and our spirits are what communicates with God), even our prayers seem to be affected by clinical depression. The only thing I know to do is to ask for God's help to battle the depression and to restore life to my spirit, and lean on Him to set me free in His time. Think I'll do that right now!

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Cheryl

Married twice, divorced twice, same guy.
No kids; two dogs who THINK they're kids.
Getting close to reaching my "new life" but not quite there yet.

Hi again,
your post caught my eye for a couple if reasons.
1. you said you pulled away..maybe from the people who can help you most...when you need it the most.......I was thinking the other after someone said to me " why didn't you tell me things were this bad", "why didn't you come to us for help" What I realized is that we are a lot like animals. For instance, if an animal gets wounded in the wild ( shot/hit bny a car) its first instict is to run off into the woods and hide itself. While there it either "heals" enough to get up and keep living or it dies ...alone.
To some degree I think that is what I was doing. I got hit head on and ran for the cover of alonenes. I don't think out instict is to run to family/friends/church and say "hey this really bad thing happened can you help me" We insted try to lick our own wounds clean and get ourselves together before we can go to someone.
Sorry if this sounds strange. I hope I am relaying it as clear as it is in my mind.
The issue is being vulnerable. Asking for help. Grieving/Crying. Getting people around us to keep us from slipping back into the woods to"die".
2. The depression thing is right on the money. We all get depressed over things happening around us i.e. money, work, the news. BUt when you soul aches it is something else. Something that you can't shake. A cloud that follows you everywhere. A heaviness. How we get out of it I'm not sure. I am trying to allow myself to actually "feel" not just cope.

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still married/almost 15 yr.
2 kids 10 & 8/ both girls.
1 dog/lab

Ladies,
i know are about depression i have suffered it for many years but the last year it has been alot harder. My ex filed for divorce last january and my life has not been the same since. I know that being depressed you do not want to talk with anyone but one thnig i do know is that God will help us through any trying time we have and that he is gonig to make our lives better so keep your chin up and lean on him because he is the only one to help get us through this trying time.

God Bless
Marylou

Cheryl,
You are so right. There is a world of difference between being depressed and clinical depression (been there) and the worst part is that one of the symptoms of clinical depression is that you cannot fight the depression.

I don't have any great advice either except to try to determine which you are suffering from. Also I've mentioned before that as clinical depression is a disease (possibly an imbalance of hormones) I believe we can suffer from "mental colds" - mini depressions if you will. These are different from emotional depression (really, we need different word for these two states) but are mecifully short-lived as opposed to clinical depression which, if unchecked, can last for a very long time.

I know meds did me a world of good when I had clinical depression. And though I am "over it" I am more prone to "mental colds" than others. On those days (just as in a viral cold) I try to cut myself some slack and take it easy until it passes.

I think that would be the one thing I would advise, for either depression, is to not be too hard on yourself. If you are truly grieving, then it is something that must be gone through and not fought or avoided; and if you are suffering from depression, you are no more to blame than if you had the flu or pneumonia. Either way, trust in the Great Physician, Who can cure anything and does not condemn us.

ElizaBeth

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married 30 years; daughter #1 + grandson;
daughter #2 + granddaughter; 1 big dog; various cats

I'd rather be at the beach

I'm sorry for your depression Cheryl. I was wondering where you had gone to.

I go in and out of depression but I try not to "suffer" anymore. Its just something I have lived with since I was a child and granted there have been times in my life, ie; the end of my marriage, the divorce, the death of my son, losing my home, etc where its been real bad. One thing I can say, that getting remarried does not solve depression! I have a good marriage now, but I still go in and out of my dark times.

This time of year is a struggle for me. It gets dark and cold and my bones hurt. Starting in Jan...It's a real struggle for me. AT least now I am looking forward to my son Patrick coming home for Christmas...but after he leaves, I'll no doubt take a dive...

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53, m22Yrs, 3 sons, Divorced 10 yrs, ReMarried 2/02, 2 adult step-daughters. SAHM to 1 dog and 2 cats!


Joel 2:25 "God will repay you for the years the locust have eaten"

I have suffered with clinical depression on and off since I was a teenager. My mom had such sever depression she went out of reality. I take an antidepressant when it gets to where I know I'm getting to that point where you want to die. It is a disease and it must be treated in order to heal. God bless you. No that this too shall pass.